Family Life

Our Secret Fix-it Method

We have discovered an amazing secret to fixing just about anything. It really is unparalleled in its breadth of scope; it works on all sorts of issues that you might otherwise want to call a professional to fix. Here are some scenarios to which this seemingly magical method might apply:

Is your dishwasher not draining, and as a result, filling up your sink with gross, dirty water, which sometimes even spills onto the counter?

Does your television act up, freezing, or muting, or turning off at unpredictable intervals?

Is there a strange whine, followed by a knocking in your car engine? And possibly(?) related, is there green mold growing in your car’s interior? Is that too specific?

Does your ceiling fan shake precariously while spinning, and make you worry that it will actually come loose and fly out at you in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping? Which, by the way, is a perfectly reasonable concern, because it’s actually happened to me before.

Does your front door not have a strong enough latch to stay closed on a windy day, or actually windy night, letting in stray cats that come and YOWL at your bedside at 3 AM? Again, this could seem a little too specific as an example, but I may be speaking from personal experience.

Do you have a hose that won’t disconnect from the garden spigot? A leak in your roof? A dead weed eater? A strange smell under your house? Was there a loud POP in your oven and now it won’t turn on anymore?

These are just a few issues that you may have encountered in the adventure that is Adult Life. Our method can help. Well, it may help. It’s been known to help, at least. It involves seven easy steps. Here’s what you do, in this order:

  1. Nothing.
  2. Wait.
  3. Do some more of nothing.
  4.  Simply wish the matter would resolve itself.
  5. (optional) Kick or bang on the broken thing, preferably with a rubber mallet or a hammer – I have actually witnessed the miraculous results of this with my own eyes many times.
  6. Wait some more.
  7. Give it a few months and see if the matter resolves itself.

I can almost guarantee, this method will produce some degree of a result. Since we have adopted this 7-step process*, just about any household problem that presents itself simply melts away. Even though we should know better by now, we are still quite often surprised by the results that we do get.

Suddenly the TV turns on! After we’ve been playing board games for a week while we implement The Method!

One time our car started running just fine again, at least for a few more months before the noise came back even worse, but still!

The Husband has actually started the weed eater after letting it sit all winter, retrieved from a hopeless little pile of things that need to go to the dump, but never will (saving that for another blog post).

The ceiling fan might still kill us, but it hasn’t yet! The Method is working.

And that smell? It really did go away…after a while.

I’ll tell you what really worked for the door that blew open in a strong wind. We moved. So, there’s always that. We call that The Method 2.0.

*Disclaimer: This was not the case for the dishwasher, which had a toothpick dam in the drain hose, and needed the attention of a professional. But it was worth a try. Just kidding, it wasn’t.



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